Saturday, March 15, 2014
Picking myself up again
Its been a rough winter to say the least. Once the cold hit, I pretty much stopped doing anything physically to keep in shape. I was super busy and continued to snooze right through every alarm I set to get up early, every day. Some days, I would get up and just sit there, completely unmotivated. Even when the new year came, I still felt eh about everything. I basically felt like I have to force myself to move. Eventually though, it has gotten a lot better. Being held accountable, and having fitness minded people around you is super motivating. I just want to feel better and have more energy. This past week, I have finally started to put my exercise pieces back together again. Again, my motto will continue to be, " It's not how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up."
Monday, March 3, 2014
New goals
The past few months have been crazy and hectic. I strayed off goals, worked a lot and it has also snowed a lot. I felt like I wanted to have a place to track progress as I restart this journey once again. My motivations include, more toned, more endurance and just overall we'll being. There is always a part that sits with in me that is scared of being successful and then I give up. I am determined to create consistency and stability. I will finish what I start. I will run my first marathon.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
A shining moment
Once upon a time many years ago I decided that I wanted to be a teacher. It started when I was in the first grade. I would play school all the time, I created my own class lists, I would post rules around the room and grade papers. I absolutely loved pretending to be a teacher. This trend carried on for many years. I probably stopped "playing" teacher once I hit middle school, when "playing" isn't so cool anymore.
Of course interests and hopes change from time to time when you grow up. I became really into playing sports, starting with soccer and this continued through high school and even today. My real talent at teaching came when I started to teach swimming lessons. I absolutely loved it and I was and still am....really good at it. It was my first job, and I'm not even sure if I ever got paid for it at first, I just loved it. It made me feel really important when my students would look up to me and smile. Even better yet, I loved getting positive feedback from parents. To this day I still enjoy teaching swim lessons. I have some amazing tell all stories about teaching lessons but that will come another day.
In high school I worked at the local rec center life-guarding, teaching swim lessons and leading a water aerobics class. While I was doing this I was studying to become a teacher. At first thought, I wanted to teacher early education. I was actually discouraged from my college cross country coach to not go that route. He mentioned that it was a flooded market and people were having to leave the state in order to get jobs. So I decided, well I love math and I took a crap load of social studies classes, middle level here I come. In the back of my mind, I thought I hope I get a fourth or fifth grade class, I can handle that.
Graduation came, I student taught I felt like a million bucks. I kept thinking I will get a job right away. I don't care home much I get paid, I don't care what type of students I have, I just need a job. Part of this motivation was, I had two small babies at home, one of which I was really pregnant with during student teaching. Anyways, sure enough I landed my first job teaching Title I math and reading. Part of me was so flippin' happy to have a job, but I wanted to be a classroom teacher. Hindsight of course is 50-50, Title I is such an awesome job and the stress level is much lower than a classroom teachers.
After my Title I teaching position ended, I was determined to get my own classroom. I moved to a new charter school that afforded me that opportunity. Unfortunately, they were bare bones, I was teaching grades 5,6,7,8 math. Very little resources and a crap ton of stress, and a new baby at home. That made three kids all under the age of three!!!
The position at the new charter school was really discouraging to being a teacher. This is where I first began to question what I had gotten myself into. The reality of what I thought and what really was out there was shocking. I started to go through several cultural shocks. I was hearing slang that only my hubs could help me with and I was a fish out of water. My over arching need to help those less fortunate was still there, but I was really having a hard time not getting trampled on.
After the new charter school I took my hardest position ever. I went to a school in which in one year, the students managed to run out several teachers. I remember being so positive in the interview thinking, "It can really be as bad as they are saying". I now think back and wonder, if someone is telling you this will be a challenging group, you might want to listen. I made it through those six months with the help of angels. These can in the form of other teachers, family members, and total strangers. I really always try to find a positive in situations and some of the kids were awesome but it wasn't a good experience. I would often come home crying, I even cried in front of students a few times. It was humiliating at times. I was honestly being owned by 13 and 14 year olds. People kept saying, you need to take control, you need to show them who's boss, ect. That is so much easier said than done. I have never been the alpha woman type. I don't like yelling and I was so far outside my comfort level all to have a job.
I wish I can tell you I rebounded wonderfully the next two years and I was hopelessly happy in teaching. It was the dream of all dreams. It wasn't. I have questioned what I had gotten myself into. I have said more than once, if I could do it again, I wouldn't have chosen teaching. It has been down right hard and has taken a huge total on my self-esteem and I even let it defy who I was.
This has started to finally change. My new position is wonderful. The staff, the students and community of learners involved are great. I feel like I got called to work at this Catholic school. I struggled to accept it until the last minute. I was not entirely on board because my desire to make more money was hiding a good opportunity. Boy was I wrong. This has single handed been the best experience I have ever had.
So what exactly has been my shining moment? It was when a parent of one of my students came in and said she had to meet the teacher that her daughter will not stop talking about. I probably could have burst into tears. I couldn't believe this was ME that her daughter was talking to highly about. I was so proud for ME a that moment. I was absolutely doing what I was suppose to be doing. I was meant to teach. I am still so thankful for how great this new school is. I continue to tell my students that I think they are great and that I truly cherish them.
My Shining Moment!
Of course interests and hopes change from time to time when you grow up. I became really into playing sports, starting with soccer and this continued through high school and even today. My real talent at teaching came when I started to teach swimming lessons. I absolutely loved it and I was and still am....really good at it. It was my first job, and I'm not even sure if I ever got paid for it at first, I just loved it. It made me feel really important when my students would look up to me and smile. Even better yet, I loved getting positive feedback from parents. To this day I still enjoy teaching swim lessons. I have some amazing tell all stories about teaching lessons but that will come another day.
In high school I worked at the local rec center life-guarding, teaching swim lessons and leading a water aerobics class. While I was doing this I was studying to become a teacher. At first thought, I wanted to teacher early education. I was actually discouraged from my college cross country coach to not go that route. He mentioned that it was a flooded market and people were having to leave the state in order to get jobs. So I decided, well I love math and I took a crap load of social studies classes, middle level here I come. In the back of my mind, I thought I hope I get a fourth or fifth grade class, I can handle that.
Graduation came, I student taught I felt like a million bucks. I kept thinking I will get a job right away. I don't care home much I get paid, I don't care what type of students I have, I just need a job. Part of this motivation was, I had two small babies at home, one of which I was really pregnant with during student teaching. Anyways, sure enough I landed my first job teaching Title I math and reading. Part of me was so flippin' happy to have a job, but I wanted to be a classroom teacher. Hindsight of course is 50-50, Title I is such an awesome job and the stress level is much lower than a classroom teachers.
After my Title I teaching position ended, I was determined to get my own classroom. I moved to a new charter school that afforded me that opportunity. Unfortunately, they were bare bones, I was teaching grades 5,6,7,8 math. Very little resources and a crap ton of stress, and a new baby at home. That made three kids all under the age of three!!!
The position at the new charter school was really discouraging to being a teacher. This is where I first began to question what I had gotten myself into. The reality of what I thought and what really was out there was shocking. I started to go through several cultural shocks. I was hearing slang that only my hubs could help me with and I was a fish out of water. My over arching need to help those less fortunate was still there, but I was really having a hard time not getting trampled on.
After the new charter school I took my hardest position ever. I went to a school in which in one year, the students managed to run out several teachers. I remember being so positive in the interview thinking, "It can really be as bad as they are saying". I now think back and wonder, if someone is telling you this will be a challenging group, you might want to listen. I made it through those six months with the help of angels. These can in the form of other teachers, family members, and total strangers. I really always try to find a positive in situations and some of the kids were awesome but it wasn't a good experience. I would often come home crying, I even cried in front of students a few times. It was humiliating at times. I was honestly being owned by 13 and 14 year olds. People kept saying, you need to take control, you need to show them who's boss, ect. That is so much easier said than done. I have never been the alpha woman type. I don't like yelling and I was so far outside my comfort level all to have a job.
I wish I can tell you I rebounded wonderfully the next two years and I was hopelessly happy in teaching. It was the dream of all dreams. It wasn't. I have questioned what I had gotten myself into. I have said more than once, if I could do it again, I wouldn't have chosen teaching. It has been down right hard and has taken a huge total on my self-esteem and I even let it defy who I was.
This has started to finally change. My new position is wonderful. The staff, the students and community of learners involved are great. I feel like I got called to work at this Catholic school. I struggled to accept it until the last minute. I was not entirely on board because my desire to make more money was hiding a good opportunity. Boy was I wrong. This has single handed been the best experience I have ever had.
So what exactly has been my shining moment? It was when a parent of one of my students came in and said she had to meet the teacher that her daughter will not stop talking about. I probably could have burst into tears. I couldn't believe this was ME that her daughter was talking to highly about. I was so proud for ME a that moment. I was absolutely doing what I was suppose to be doing. I was meant to teach. I am still so thankful for how great this new school is. I continue to tell my students that I think they are great and that I truly cherish them.
My Shining Moment!
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Where to start
I am still so new to this public blog forum. However I am not new to writing or keeping a journal at all. I did have a public journal on livejournal back when that was something fun to do. I also have a fitness blog on spark people, but I haven't ever made one with the intention to put my story out there. I'm sure my story isn't that great but I think I have some insight on to living a happier life to an extent. Anyways to know where to start I kinda need to put out there where I am at today.
Today I am....
A mother to three kids
A daughter
A sister
A wife
A teacher
A runner
A happier person than I was a few months
A person on the quest to living life to the fullest
Three months ago...even two months ago I struggled. I have hard core struggled for the past 8 or so years. Reality really smacks you in the face when you least expect it. Unfortunately for me, I didn't realize what my "reality" was or even was able to face it until kinda recently. I think going into denial seems like a good idea when you just don't want to face the music. Like I have said before you have to make mistakes to learn. For me I have had to make some mistakes a few times, maybe even ten until I start to get it. Now most of my "mistakes" have been centered around finances. However much to do with those are the choices I made whether trying to "keep peace" or just having the thought, I'll deal with that later.
I really think the reality of what I don't want to deal with came when I took a manual labor job. It was honestly the hardest thing I ever did. I felt like I didn't have a choice, I needed to make money and this seemed like a "good" idea at the time. However, that made me realize, whoa if you want to have something, try not to make poor choices to begin with.
Some may think I haven't really hit rock bottom. I have never thankfully been homeless. I haven't had anything major taken from me such as human cargo. I haven't really done any major major damage other than making a crap load of people....."disappointed" in my choices or the "situations" I have put myself in. I have had pretty much every utility turned off. I have come home in a bathing suit with my three kids sopping wet and not able to get into my house because we didn't have power. Thank God for the electric lady having pity on me and getting someone out. That reminds me I have living guardian angels all around me. They are the people who just help...just because and they are also the family members that I have.
How have I coped for so long and not gone crazy... Well the not going crazy is pretty debatable. I still try to be optimistic in every situation. I try to stay positive at the end of the day. I run and keep trying to start over. I won't give up no matter how many times life knocks me down, my fault or not. I lace up my shoes, put on my running clothes and run. My therapy has been my running. Whether you know me personally or not you know that I am a runner. I am not the fastest person, I am not the most in shape person, but I can always bust out a three mile run when necessary.
Well while real life is still beating the drum..I need to prepare for my work day tomorrow. If anyone has tips or tricks to make this layout nicer let me know. I honestly don't want this to be hooked to google plus but I'm not sure I have a choice. Any techy/ bloggy friends wanna help a fellow blogger out?
Today I am....
A mother to three kids
A daughter
A sister
A wife
A teacher
A runner
A happier person than I was a few months
A person on the quest to living life to the fullest
Three months ago...even two months ago I struggled. I have hard core struggled for the past 8 or so years. Reality really smacks you in the face when you least expect it. Unfortunately for me, I didn't realize what my "reality" was or even was able to face it until kinda recently. I think going into denial seems like a good idea when you just don't want to face the music. Like I have said before you have to make mistakes to learn. For me I have had to make some mistakes a few times, maybe even ten until I start to get it. Now most of my "mistakes" have been centered around finances. However much to do with those are the choices I made whether trying to "keep peace" or just having the thought, I'll deal with that later.
I really think the reality of what I don't want to deal with came when I took a manual labor job. It was honestly the hardest thing I ever did. I felt like I didn't have a choice, I needed to make money and this seemed like a "good" idea at the time. However, that made me realize, whoa if you want to have something, try not to make poor choices to begin with.
Some may think I haven't really hit rock bottom. I have never thankfully been homeless. I haven't had anything major taken from me such as human cargo. I haven't really done any major major damage other than making a crap load of people....."disappointed" in my choices or the "situations" I have put myself in. I have had pretty much every utility turned off. I have come home in a bathing suit with my three kids sopping wet and not able to get into my house because we didn't have power. Thank God for the electric lady having pity on me and getting someone out. That reminds me I have living guardian angels all around me. They are the people who just help...just because and they are also the family members that I have.
How have I coped for so long and not gone crazy... Well the not going crazy is pretty debatable. I still try to be optimistic in every situation. I try to stay positive at the end of the day. I run and keep trying to start over. I won't give up no matter how many times life knocks me down, my fault or not. I lace up my shoes, put on my running clothes and run. My therapy has been my running. Whether you know me personally or not you know that I am a runner. I am not the fastest person, I am not the most in shape person, but I can always bust out a three mile run when necessary.
Well while real life is still beating the drum..I need to prepare for my work day tomorrow. If anyone has tips or tricks to make this layout nicer let me know. I honestly don't want this to be hooked to google plus but I'm not sure I have a choice. Any techy/ bloggy friends wanna help a fellow blogger out?
Monday, September 2, 2013
Fall down seven times, get up eight
So here it is. I have tossed this idea around for awhile. It is nothing new, and I'm always kinda late to the bandwagons anyways. I was really stumped on the what the heck should this be called, what do I want it to be and so on. I guess I just want an outlet to inspire and share. I want to have a place to go back to in a few years or whatever and remember. So what does the title mean and why. Well, I have really felt like I have honestly hit rock bottom a few times in the past few years. I have been through about six or so jobs, I have moved six or so more times, I have done everything backwards, I have to learn things the hard way more than once. I have come to this concluding thought that I'm done...so done with being where I was. So what did I decide to help turn my life around. I just want to be happy. I don't want money, I don't want anythings...I just want to be happy. So happy has been my focus and happy has started to fall into place. I will give credit to, "The Secret" both book and movie for showing me the power of positive thinking and such. This is the starting point, I'm sure I will be blog heavy in the beginning but will simmer down eventually or maybe never. Until next time.
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